Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
