just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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