Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
