he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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