He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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