What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
