i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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