im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
