Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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