and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
