I'd wear matching sweaters with you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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