You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
