R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
