Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
