I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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