i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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