Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
