Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
