how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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