having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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