At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
