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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
