I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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