please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i now understand why vodka
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
