if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
