P.S. I can't hear my feet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
