Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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