if i can run in heels then i can drive
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
