She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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