I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
