1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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