Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk is a universal language darling
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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