Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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