First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
