this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
