if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
