watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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