Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
