I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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