please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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