White coat. Heels.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
