Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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