I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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