I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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