girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
