Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My vagina just recognized that song.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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