i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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