The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
