i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
