Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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