Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
